There are two types of people: people who function perfectly well on cannabis and those who forget how left and right works. This guide is for the latter.Â
Picture this: youâve had a long day at work and youâre primed to unwind. You have yourself a generous helping of Tweed Bakerstreet Chocolate. Youâre feeling relaxed. Itâs the perfect mix of body high and brain wiping euphoria. All of a sudden you hear a familiar voice. Your spouse is saying âHey, why arenât you ready? Weâre having dinner at my parents tonight.â
Whoops.
Donât panic. Weâve prepared a guide for you to follow to help you get through tonight.Â
First of all, some important points if you are high:
- Donât drive.
- Donât operate heavy machinery.
- Donât offer to help cook.
Got that down? Okay, good. Here is how youâre going to make it.
Smile and Nod.
Your âYes andâ improv skills are useless here. Donât try to adlib a story or come up with a thoughtful response. Remember that old saying? Keep It Simple Stupid.Â
It doesnât matter what the question is, just smile and nod.
âHow was your day?â
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âHow is work going?â
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âDo you plan on having children?â
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Smiling and nodding is a proper response to most questions. Sure, you might look somewhat⌠robotic, but itâs a whole lot better than saying âuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh, can you say that again?âÂ
Tip:
Practice your smile in a mirror beforehand. The perfect smile can convey confidence and comfort in the situation. It should sit somewhere between mildly content and Jack Nicholson screaming âHereâs Johnny!â.
Indulge in Dinner
Everything is going to taste awesome, so just roll with it.Â
Your mother-in lawâs jello and pickle salad is going to taste like it was made in a 5-star restaurant. Make sure to let her know how much you enjoy it, but donât overdo it.
Acceptable statements:
âThis is sooooooo good.â
âMay I have seconds?â
âDid you actually make this? Netflix should give you your own show!â
Unacceptable statements:
âDo you think if you wrote the recipe on my hand my brain will recreate the taste when I look at it?â
âMartha, this bundt cake absolutely fucking SLAPS.â
âI havenât had a meal this dank since my 10th birthday at Chuck E. Cheeseâ
Sure, you wonât be capable of holding a conversation and youâll probably hold eye contact for uncomfortable amounts of time, but you better believe the only thing your host is going to remember is being flattered by your ravenous frenzy.
Itâs Just Not That Funny
Whether it be nervous